09072010 - The Hijab experience

So it came. The time when I finally put on my headscarf.

It was about two months ago. And thanks to God’s mercy, I feel at ease and love my headscarf.

The decision wasn’t reached easily. No it was not. I remembered hesitating for such a long time. I had little courage and was in constant fear of things might not matter so much.

I pray, now, that God permits me to remember how it felt the night I decided to give it all up, my pride and my fear, to put on that piece of cloth. The piece of scarf might be as light as a feather, but for such a long time, it was heavier than a mountain.

I remember feeling an enormous amount of pain deep inside. Some people I love dearly were going through a rough time. Hurt, pain, pointing fingers, anger, betrayal. Witnessing all that emotions was a little too much for that heart of mine. I felt vast amount of loneliness, frustration and weakness. Weakness, poverty, impotent, and helpless.

I felt the need to be protected, not from this transient world, but from the most Powerful and the most Merciful one.

I cried.

I understood something that night. The hijab is more than just a cover of beauty. It is more than just “being a Muslim girl” or rules we must follow. It is the form of protection, a way for me to get a step closer to my Creator.

With the hijab on, I feel protected. I feel more connected to the world of belief, and perhaps more at peace with myself.

A step forward, inshallah, on my journey back to my Creator.